My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
