Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
