Can i not drive my cunt home
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
