btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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