so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
