All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize