tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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