If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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