I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
