i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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