You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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