my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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