You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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