and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
