her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
