you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
