This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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