no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
