ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
