I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
