You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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