i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize