Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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