Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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