I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
