Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
