im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
