Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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