what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
