the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
