So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
