And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
