I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Everything about him screamed your future.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
