I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
