i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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