I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
