Can i not drive my cunt home
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize