Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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