Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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