And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
