Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize