We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
