that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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