You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
