Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
