there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When are your genitals available?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
