32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
