that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
