I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
