i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
