This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
