yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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