i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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