My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
