Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
