How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
