I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
