1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Come share oat with me in your robe
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
