why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
