I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
