i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
