mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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