He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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