I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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