we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
