I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
