I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
