i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
