i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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