Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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