Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
