My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
