her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
